Last December was a rough season for me. I didn’t even feel like decorating for Christmas. Gasp! I am normally an upbeat person and for whatever reason I was in a funk. No matter how hard I prayed and tried to move on I just could NOT pull myself out of it. So I decided to go for some outside help and started seeing a counselor. I’m usually a pull yourself up by the bootstraps and keep going kind of gal so this was not my regular response. There might have been a little pride involved as well. (Who am I kidding? My pride was definitely an issue!)
Who knew you could have Jesus and a therapist too? (Insert shrug here.) More on this later.
As I begin to see my new “confidant” walls that I had put up for years began to fall and repressed emotions slowly made their way to the surface. After I shared some of my hang ups about my marriage my counselor asked if David and I had ever thought about marriage counseling. I told her we had a few sessions before we married and had seen a different counselor about a year after we married. However, we were still having issues in our communication with one another. David says it’s because he speaks Texan and I speak Tennessean. He gets an eye roll from me every single time he says that. She explained about the Gottman method that she uses for counseling. It made a lot of sense and was very scripted without too much guesswork so I decided to approach David about it.
I gave David a little decompressing time after he got home from work and then I asked him for a few minutes to speak with him about my session that day. Once he settled I explained how the Gottman method worked and how it would be beneficial to our marriage. And then…I dropped it. David has to process things in his own time. One might think he’s forgotten about it, but I guarantee he hasn’t. He just likes to make informed choices and doesn’t like to be rash in his decisions, a wonderful quality I have come to love about this man.
Later that night he asked me a few more questions about it and then proceeded to let me know we could give it a go. I said great! I’ll make the appointment and off we went to counseling.
We’ve had several successful sessions since that first appointment. Our communication still isn’t perfect and we are not argument proof, but we have made many steps toward better communication. We tend to listen to one another more than before and judge each other less. It’s not an easy task to live with someone day in and day out and not let their flaws get to you. However, if you begin to focus less on their flaws and more on the good things that attracted you to your spouse in the first place it becomes much more palatable.
Marriage is like a machine and machines need regular maintenance. My husband works at an oil refinery and they have routine shutdowns where they require certain areas to be closed down to perform much needed maintenance. If they don’t, many things could go wrong and people could get hurt or killed if these repairs are neglected. In the same way marriages need maintenance. What would happen if you never changed the oil in your vehicle? You’ll find yourself stranded. Some people think they have to wait until their marriage is falling apart to go to counseling. Why wait? Mechanics will tell you it’s better to maintain your vehicle than try to patch it up after years of neglect. Marriage is the same way. Many marriages fail after years and years of neglect. David and I choose to keep up with our regular maintenance so our marriage will last and become even stronger. I married a very smart man to not let his pride stand in the way of a great marriage.
Back to who knew you could have Jesus and a therapist too. Mental health is not something that is openly discussed in many churches. It’s implied that if we are in right standing with God we should be ok. Well it’s not always that simple. Sometimes we need that added help to work through our thoughts. I went through some things as a child that conditioned me to shut my mind off to my emotions. I have a hard time allowing myself to connect to my feelings so it takes me a bit to even understand why I’m upset about certain happenings at times. Talking through my emotions with a counselor has really helped me. Yes, I can talk to Jesus about it as well and that helps, but sometimes you need someone tangible to help you walk through some circumstances. THAT IS OK. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s perfectly acceptable for you to get the help you need. Don’t let pride or the stigma that there’s something wrong with your spiritual life stop you from seeking therapy. During my search for a counselor I saw a picture on my counselor’s Facebook page. It said, “It’s ok to have Jesus and a therapist too”. I’m here to tell you…it’s ok for you, too.
This is BEAUTIFUL! My husband and I saw a counselor after 7 years of marriage. We also had communication problems. We both had baggage from previous marriages. His cheated on him, and I was physically and mentally abused. So we had walls, we didn’t even know we had. If I start feeling overwhelmed, I have not qualms about making time to visit our counselor. I love how candid you are about this. Praying it will help others learn, it is NOT a sign of WEAKNESS!
Thank you for sharing as well. The more people that talk about mental health the quicker we can remove the stigma that sometimes revolves around seeking out counseling. Hopefully this will encourage someone to find the help they need.