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Blessed by the Best and Highly Favored

So dear friends things aren’t always easy when it comes to marriage. (If you haven’t figured that out yet.) However, if we choose to look at our blessings rather than our problems our perspective can entirely change.

I’ve been helping my friend Trina get a house ready for moving. Her friend lives in another state and the mom and grandma will be moving there soon to be closer to family. Trina was telling me how much she still had to do so I thought “hey I like to go through stuff.” Did I mention I love to go through antique stores to find treasures? Haha I love history and always wonder how something was used or who used it or how differently life was lived in the “good ole days.” I could spend time with my friend and learn some more history considering the grandma is 96.

The first day I got there I thought wow we do have a lot of work ahead of us, but being the optimist I generally am I thought no problem. (Insert face palm here.) What I didn’t count on was falling in love with this Italian family we were helping. I always wanted to be a part of an Italian family! I love her accent and the mom puts up with me trying to mimic it and totally butchering it. Haha So my friend and I worked ourselves ragged cause we love them and truly want God to bless them.

After nearly 2 weeks straight we got everything ready for our first sale. Trina was telling me how much she owes me but I was like isn’t this what we are supposed to do? Bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. That’s what the Good Book says anyway.

After the first day of the sale I got home, took a much deserved shower, put on my pjs, ordered Chinese, my wonderful son picked it up and we ate. My husband, David, who’s on a shutdown at his plant right now came home not 30 minutes later, walked into the kitchen, and promptly asked, “What’s all this?”. I went to the kitchen and there was water all over the floor. Yikes!!!

About 3 weeks ago we had a major freeze here that pretty much crippled Texas. We are NOT built for that kind of weather. We managed to get through with no pipes bursting by the grace of God or so we thought. We immediately thought a pipe had burst and David turned of the water at the main then went to the attic to check. Fortunately, it was a small leak. Unfortunately, it had already dripped so much the sheetrock under the leak was destroyed. I thought, “I do not have time for this.” We still have much to do this week to finish up the move.

Now I could’ve stopped right there and just cried and had a pity party. Instead I was thankful this happened after my husband had gotten home and he was able to address it immediately. He gave it a temporary fix and decided to permanently fix it today after church.

I went to bed exhausted and considered skipping church but I knew I needed the refreshing of the Holy Spirit more than ever. It seemed God was speaking directly to me and Trina throughout the whole service. It was such an encouraging worship session and message that I felt so renewed as did Trina.

David took me to eat at one of our favorite restaurants. We came home, took a much needed nap, and then he got up to work on our pipe issue on his only day off. I walked into the kitchen, looked up, and cringed. I’ve been working on my kitchen to create a space where I would love to work and all I could see was the big hole in my ceiling plus all the old nasty insulation and sheet rock dust on the floor.

I sent a picture of the mess to Trina with the crying emoji. She sent me a much needed reply that it could’ve been much worse and to be thankful that David has the skills to take care of the problem.

So I walked back into the kitchen and took the pictures at the top of this page. Pictures of the man that has been nothing but supportive as my own house has gone awry while I helped my new Italian family with theirs. The man that works 13 days straight with one off in between during shutdowns to make sure we have not only what we need but also what we want. The man that loves God with all his heart and therefore loves me the way I should be loved. The man that has so many skills I can’t even keep count of them all. This man has flaws and sometimes drives me crazy, but definitely the one given to me by God. Recently, God has given me new eyes to see this man in a different light. It’s all about perspective. I could be bitter about my kitchen and the things David does that irritates me but I will choose to be thankful. And that fills my heart with love instead of bitterness which feels so much better!

Everyone that knows David knows his response when asked how he is doing. He always replies, “I’m blessed by the Best and highly favored!” So today I choose to count my blessings and remember that the God who saved me is also the God that will keep me.

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2020 and Toilet Paper

As 2020 comes to a close it seems only fitting that I write something about the role of toilet paper(pun intended) in this very different year that we have had. In a masked and sometimes fearful world which we have found ourselves, it is beneficial to stop and look at the positives of this season in our lives.

When the pandemic hit for whatever reason fear drove people to the grocery store and toilet paper completely disappeared off the shelves! Why? Who knows? But it vanished all the same. Fortunately, my household had an abundance at that point as we shop at Costco and buy our beloved Charmin there. In fact since my parents were visiting right before our world was turned upside down I bought a package before we were too low thinking we might need it as we had two extra people in the house. As the year progressed toilet paper was much easier to find and things became a little more “normal”.

Recently, I walked into the bathroom and I came face to face with “it”…an almost empty roll of toilet paper just waiting for me to switch it out…again. My husband has this talent for leaving a tiny bit of toilet paper on the roll and starting a new roll. The kicker is he leaves that almost empty roll on the holder pretty much every time and the new roll sits waiting to be placed where it belongs.

As I began to change it for what seemed like the thousandth time I became a little bit irritated. It was in that moment that God revealed something to me…I still had my husband alive and well to perform these little “irritating” acts.

I then began to look back on this year and realized there were others not so fortunate. Many lost loved ones…either to Covid-19 or to other causes. My uncle lost his long time love, my precious Aunt Ruby, and I imagine he would love to change out the toilet paper roll for my aunt just to have her near.

My perspective changed and in that moment I was glad I was able to serve my husband in this small act. As I took off the old roll and put on the new one I also got rid of my negative outlook and adopted a new attitude of thankfulness that my husband is around to “annoy” me in such a way. One day I might walk into the bathroom to discover a full roll of toilet paper only to be wishing for a near empty roll.

So as this year comes to a close look around at all the blessings you have. Life is short and we must live it to the fullest as we enjoy the wonderful people that surround us. Love lavishly and forgive freely.

By the way, I’m finishing up a short trip to visit my parents. When I walked into the bathroom after arriving guess what I found…an empty roll of toilet paper. I just smiled.

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It’s OK to Have Jesus and a Therapist Too!

Last December was a rough season for me. I didn’t even feel like decorating for Christmas. Gasp! I am normally an upbeat person and for whatever reason I was in a funk. No matter how hard I prayed and tried to move on I just could NOT pull myself out of it. So I decided to go for some outside help and started seeing a counselor. I’m usually a pull yourself up by the bootstraps and keep going kind of gal so this was not my regular response. There might have been a little pride involved as well. (Who am I kidding? My pride was definitely an issue!)

Who knew you could have Jesus and a therapist too? (Insert shrug here.) More on this later.

As I begin to see my new “confidant” walls that I had put up for years began to fall and repressed emotions slowly made their way to the surface. After I shared some of my hang ups about my marriage my counselor asked if David and I had ever thought about marriage counseling. I told her we had a few sessions before we married and had seen a different counselor about a year after we married. However, we were still having issues in our communication with one another. David says it’s because he speaks Texan and I speak Tennessean. He gets an eye roll from me every single time he says that. She explained about the Gottman method that she uses for counseling. It made a lot of sense and was very scripted without too much guesswork so I decided to approach David about it.

I gave David a little decompressing time after he got home from work and then I asked him for a few minutes to speak with him about my session that day. Once he settled I explained how the Gottman method worked and how it would be beneficial to our marriage. And then…I dropped it. David has to process things in his own time. One might think he’s forgotten about it, but I guarantee he hasn’t. He just likes to make informed choices and doesn’t like to be rash in his decisions, a wonderful quality I have come to love about this man.

Later that night he asked me a few more questions about it and then proceeded to let me know we could give it a go. I said great! I’ll make the appointment and off we went to counseling.

We’ve had several successful sessions since that first appointment. Our communication still isn’t perfect and we are not argument proof, but we have made many steps toward better communication. We tend to listen to one another more than before and judge each other less. It’s not an easy task to live with someone day in and day out and not let their flaws get to you. However, if you begin to focus less on their flaws and more on the good things that attracted you to your spouse in the first place it becomes much more palatable.

Marriage is like a machine and machines need regular maintenance. My husband works at an oil refinery and they have routine shutdowns where they require certain areas to be closed down to perform much needed maintenance. If they don’t, many things could go wrong and people could get hurt or killed if these repairs are neglected. In the same way marriages need maintenance. What would happen if you never changed the oil in your vehicle? You’ll find yourself stranded. Some people think they have to wait until their marriage is falling apart to go to counseling. Why wait? Mechanics will tell you it’s better to maintain your vehicle than try to patch it up after years of neglect. Marriage is the same way. Many marriages fail after years and years of neglect. David and I choose to keep up with our regular maintenance so our marriage will last and become even stronger. I married a very smart man to not let his pride stand in the way of a great marriage.

Back to who knew you could have Jesus and a therapist too. Mental health is not something that is openly discussed in many churches. It’s implied that if we are in right standing with God we should be ok. Well it’s not always that simple. Sometimes we need that added help to work through our thoughts. I went through some things as a child that conditioned me to shut my mind off to my emotions. I have a hard time allowing myself to connect to my feelings so it takes me a bit to even understand why I’m upset about certain happenings at times. Talking through my emotions with a counselor has really helped me. Yes, I can talk to Jesus about it as well and that helps, but sometimes you need someone tangible to help you walk through some circumstances. THAT IS OK. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s perfectly acceptable for you to get the help you need. Don’t let pride or the stigma that there’s something wrong with your spiritual life stop you from seeking therapy. During my search for a counselor I saw a picture on my counselor’s Facebook page. It said, “It’s ok to have Jesus and a therapist too”. I’m here to tell you…it’s ok for you, too.

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It’s a Wonderful New Year

As we get ready for a new year and a new decade I can’t help but think back over this roller coaster of a year. It started off great! Then went downhill, back up, back down again, back up…well you get the picture.

I started off with this blog and did well for a while. David and I had good times and bad, but I found it harder to write about the good times. Why do we always seem to wait for the other shoe to drop? Maybe it’s just human nature or maybe if we don’t expect too much we won’t be disappointed as much. We don’t live freely in the good times because we’re waiting for the next calamity to hit us. And that can paralyze and alienate us.

As we finish off this year I find myself in sort of a weird place mentally and emotionally. I began seeing a counselor to help sort through the chaos that is my brain. David has been gracious through it all. He’s been supportive in words, prayer, and deeds through all my crazy. And therein lies the true meaning of a wonderful marriage. 

To have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, til death do us part. We recite these words at the very beginning of our marriage, yet do we really mean them? Do we truly know what we are saying? When the first big disagreement or disappointment happens do we stand by our vows? Do we love and cherish all that is our spouse?

Back to not expecting too much so as not to be disappointed. Dear friends, how about in this coming year we throw ourselves with abandon into our marriages and our lives? At the end of our days will our biggest regret be that we lived life to our fullest? I think not! I believe as 2020 is on the horizon it’s time to take back our lives. Expect the unexpected and so what if we’re disappointed from time to time? That’s what happens when you fully live. Oh, what a life there is to be had! We can sit on the sidelines waiting for tragedy to strike or we can take the proverbial bull by the horns and live and love like there’s no tomorrow. Because truly we are not promised tomorrow. 

Let that sink in.

In the light of that truth does it matter if your spouse didn’t do something just the way you would have? I mean, are any of us perfect? I’m fairly certain we know the answer to that question. Besides, who said your way was the right or better way? Gasp! Yes, I know it’s hard to believe, but just maybe our husband or wife has a different way of seeing and doing things. More than that they don’t WANT to do things just like we would. Think on that for a minute. That’s the beauty of marriage! God has a way of stretching and perfecting us through our better half. We are all unique. It’s through our differences that we are made whole. Not one person can be everything to everyone. Instead of focusing on our differences this coming year let’s celebrate them!

So as 2020 rolls around, let go of past hurts, failures, and disappointments. Hold onto all the good things that happened. Embrace the possibilities of the future. Live and love to the fullest. Allow God to work in yourself and your marriage like never before. Offer mercy freely to your spouse. Because, my friend, one day you will be in need of that same mercy. I leave you with this blessing: “The LORD bless you, and keep you [protect you, sustain you, and guard you]; The LORD make His face shine upon you [with favor], And be gracious to you [surrounding you with lovingkindness]; The LORD lift up His countenance (face) upon you [with divine approval], And give you peace [a tranquil heart and life].” Numbers‬ ‭6:24-26‬ ‭AMP‬‬

Happy New Year!

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How a Svengers T-shirt Taught a Lesson in Gratefulness

I am a lover of all things schnauzer! We have 2 miniature schnauzers named Zelda and Fitz. Since David and I didn’t have any children together, these are our babies. 

I am also a Marvel nerd. I love all Marvel movies no matter how cheesy or bad they may be, and if they are good then it’s a bonus! 

When these two things collided, I was excited! Enter the ad I saw for a Svengers T-shirt. Captain America, Iron Man, Hulk, Thor, and Nick Fury were portrayed as schnauzers! What more could a girl ask for? Or so I thought.

My next course of action was to tag David in the post that had the link to purchase said shirt. I know my husband well enough that if I really want something he will do his best to make it happen. So much so that I have to guard my words or he would work his hiney off to have the ability to get me whatever I want. This was not an expensive item so I tagged away. He commented that I didn’t really need the shirt, so I contemplated about purchasing it myself. I am less of a spender than David. Consequently, I didn’t buy it for myself and proceeded on with my life.

Last night David walked in the front door after work and handed me a small package. I opened it and was thrilled to see he purchased the Svengers shirt for me! At least for a moment. Then I started picking it apart. It wasn’t the type of material I usually buy. It wasn’t the right size for the style. It wasn’t the color I wanted. (My favorite color is blue and he bought me the blue one. How dare he!) And then I had the NERVE to say from now on if he’s going to buy a T-shirt for me off the internet he should get with me first so he orders the correct item. Yes, I know. I’m cringing now just writing this at how ungrateful I actually sounded. In my mind at the time I was thinking I was being “helpful”. I probably went on for 10-15 minutes about how it was the wrong shirt. He even told me maybe we could return it and get the correct shirt for me. He didn’t say you ungrateful person that’s the last thing I will buy for you. He actually wanted to fix this for me. My wonderful, loving husband ignored the tantrum I was throwing and wanted to make me happy…think on that for a moment. 

How many times are we unhappy with the way our husband or wife does something for us? How should we respond when something just doesn’t quite measure up? Let’s take a look at what the Bible says about being thankful.

The book of Ruth has always been one of my favorite books. In fact I always felt like David was my Boaz. There are a couple of instances I want to point out. After Naomi’s husband and sons died, her daughters in-law were headed back to Israel with her. They had stayed with Naomi in order to help her. She told them to head back to their land and left them with this blessing, “May the Lord reward you for your kindness.” (Ruth 1:8) Ruth, however, refused to leave her mother in-law. She felt she needed to take care of her. She went so far as to glean heads of grain in the field of Boaz. He took notice of what she did for her mother in-law and also pronounced a blessing on her. “May the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge, reward you fully for what you have done.” (Ruth 2:12) Additionally, you will find many blessings in the Bible that were spoken over different people at different times. God’s people were to be thankful for one another.

How much different is it today? We as God’s people should be thankful for one another and openly show our gratitude as well as pronounce blessings over one another. In a world filled with gift receipts in case someone doesn’t like your gift and registries that make sure the right gifts are purchased, we are to stand out and be a light to others by being grateful for everything given to us. Now don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against gift receipts and I am a huge fan of registries because I dislike shopping and this makes it easier for me. But I remember as a child how my parents taught me the simple act of being grateful for whatever was given to me. I thought I had learned that lesson well…until last night. 

This morning as I began to think about the words I spoke the night before, something inside me winced at my ugly comments. I went to retrieve the offensive T-shirt and put it back on. David was right. The blue was a much better choice than the black I would have purchased for myself. The fit wasn’t as bad as I had previously imagined. It was actually really cute! I’m wearing it right now as I write this.

Then it was time to eat crow. I picked up my phone and sent a text to David thanking him for the T-shirt and how much I really liked it. I relayed how he made the better choice of color and fit than I originally thought and how I couldn’t wait to wear it to see Avengers: Endgame. I apologized for the negative comments I spoke and the ungrateful attitude I had displayed. He, being the generous person he is, accepted my apology and thanked me for the change in my attitude. 

I am so very thankful that God placed David in my life and can’t imagine living without him. God reminded me that I should not just think this, but actually LIVE it. I want to challenge you to do the same. Be open with your gratitude. We are not promised tomorrow and today may be the last chance you have to show those you love how much you appreciate them.

I needed this lesson in gratefulness that came about all because of a Svengers T-shirt.

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Yours, Mine, and Ours – Memories of a Brand New Blended Family

I don’t know if you have ever seen or heard of the old 1968 Lucille Ball and Henry Fonda movie Yours, Mine, and Ours. If not, I highly recommend watching it. It was one of my all time favorite movies when I was a kid growing up right into adulthood! It’s one of the funniest, zaniest, and most heart tugging movies I’ve ever seen. You might have seen the reboot, but it’s pretty hard to top Lucille Ball’s performance in the original. Basically, boy meets girl, boy dates girl, boy finds out that between his children and her children they would share 18 children. Yes, I said 18! They decide not to pursue the relationship once they find out about the other’s children, but of course they eventually marry and the result makes for a great movie. I can’t count how many times I’ve watched it…and I definitely didn’t realize one day I would be living it.

David and I share 5 children(thankfully not 18) and 1 granddaughter. I say share because technically the oldest 3 boys are his and the youngest boy and ONLY girl are mine. When we married, all 5 of them lived with us. I stayed on top of the housework out of sheer fear I would be lost under a pile of dishes somewhere! Seriously, I did about two loads of dishes and a couple loads of laundry a day. Thank God for dishwashers and washing machines!

Let me say I was terrified of being a stepmom. Especially since my new sons were all teens and my birth children were 9 and 6. I knew nothing about raising teens. Many books were read about blended families and how to go about this new life, but my true wisdom came from the Lord.

I was about to move our youngest two children into David’s home that he shared with our oldest three and had previously shared with their mother. Yes, I know you think I’m crazy right about now. I probably was a little crazy. His former wife is super neat. I have never been to her home when things were not in perfect order, minus the toys that our granddaughter likes to have out to play with. It’s not uninvitingly clean, but she keeps a great house. I, on the other hand, struggle with making our bed everyday. (And David says amen!) Thankfully I have giftings in other areas. So knowing how the newest part of my family was accustomed to living was pretty scary for me.

The time came for us to move in together and I asked God how to do this blended family thing. One bit of wisdom He gave me was to leave the house, decorations and all, as it was for about a year. (I want to note right here this is not for everyone. It just happened to be what I needed to do for my newest family members.) It was difficult to not change everything right away, but I saw the wisdom in it later on. I found out later the boys were afraid I wouldn’t want them living in the same house and they would have to move out. Now mind you I had NEVER said or implied anything of the sort. They were simply in a state of unrest as were my children because of the disintegration of their first family. Everything they knew had suddenly changed. But that one simple act of leaving things as they were reassured them that I wasn’t expecting them to go anywhere. About a year later I started making changes here and there and one of them would come home and tell me how they liked it.

I also had to make a place for my youngest children. They didn’t just have someone invade their home, they moved to a brand new home AND city. They had to leave the only friends they ever knew and start over. I tried to create a sense of belonging for them. We enclosed the dining room and made a bedroom with bunk beds. We let them pick out the color and fortunately it wasn’t lime green. I spent the first few years homeschooling them, because they had never been in public school. This was another bit of wisdom. Sometimes it caused friction with David and I because homeschool was a new idea for him, but in the end it gave a sort of normalcy for them so it worked for our family. Years later they have both excelled in public school and we have determined we made the right decision.

Another important step I took was to foster relationships with my new sons. I tried to take every opportunity they would allow to connect with them. It took some time and some rejection, but eventually they saw I truly cared about them and genuinely wanted to know them better. I remember when my oldest stepson came home from work every day I would ask how his day was. The answer was always good as he walked to his room. The day finally came when I got a little more. As usual I asked how his day was, he replied it was good and begin to walk away. He backed up then stated that it sucked and related how his day truly went. That simple exchange meant so much to me because I was beginning to think it would never happen. I believe he just needed to know I was in this for the long haul.

The most important decision I made though was to build a united front with David. Our children had seen marriages fail, but they desperately needed to see one succeed. We had the golden opportunity to give this to all of them. We didn’t always agree on how everything should be, but we kept most of our disagreements behind closed doors. Sometimes we accomplished this goal of solidarity, other times we failed miserably. But through it all, we have persevered and hopefully have been a good example to our kids.

I would be thrilled to report after about a year we all lived in perfect harmony, but that was not the case. We had some tough times, but we did eventually learn to be a family. It didn’t happen overnight. In fact it happened in baby steps. Children, even (maybe especially) older teenagers, that have had their world ripped apart through no fault of their own can have serious trust issues. They had to learn to trust again. It’s still not perfect, but what family is?

Our 2018 Christmas card picture.

It took a lot of hard work and the adults in their lives to act like grown ups for us to come together, but eventually we did. We were recently visiting with our granddaughter at the home of David’s first wife. She made the statement that she feels like we are one big family now. That’s exactly how it is. Our children will never have the awkwardness at weddings, holidays, and birthdays because they have seen us all get along. It has helped them to have a healthy state of mind.

There are some of you in this very situation and you think you will never have this in your family. Let me assure you there was a time when I thought the same. It did take a toll on our marriage, but we are finally thriving through it. I wish I could say we made it this far because we are so incredibly intelligent. That is truly laughable! It was simply by the grace of God and His wisdom and guidance that we’ve come this far.

If you find yourself in the same situation, ask God for wisdom. According to James chapter 1, God will give it generously to those that ask. Seek out others that are going through the same thing and lift each other up. We were never meant to do life alone. Nurture relationships with your children and stepchildren. It takes time and patience, but the reward is worth it all. Finally, ALWAYS let your children that be aware that you and your spouse are in unity. They need to have the security that you can not be divided.

It’s not an easy road, but with the support of your spouse,  the encouragement of other blended parents, and especially God’s wisdom, you can do this!

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Marriage on Two Wheels

Recently I began riding with my husband on the back of his Harley. I was a little nervous at first, because…well quite frankly because I’ve ridden in a vehicle with him. We’ve had our share of disagreements aka full blown arguments over the way he drives. Sometimes I think he believes he’s a race car driver. That being said I’m not a scaredy-cat. I’m a tree climbing, rollercoaster riding, roof walking, taking chances kind of girl. But putting my life in the hands of my wannabe racer husband was a little out of my comfort zone. However, I began to notice how careful he was when he rode so I decided to take the plunge. Also, I thought how cute I would look in my leathers! So off we went!

This was not my first time on a bike, but it had been a few years. Ahem, maybe 25 or so. I also rode 3 wheelers as a teen so I understood the importance of shifting your weight and balancing. It seemed right away we worked well together on this huge bike of his. On one of our very first rides together I started thinking how this was great marriage counseling! Here’s a few things that I noticed.

David right after he bought his Harley. He was so excited!

First, I had to follow his lead. Anyone that knows me even a little knows how headstrong I can be. So in life I can tend to get out of my place in our relationship and try to take the lead. This causes so much discord and confusion. Now sometimes David wants me to take the lead on certain things. He is a smart man and knows my strengths. But by and large one of my major issues is following the lead of the husband God placed in my life. Before you say, “Dianne, that is old school!”, let me remind you how our Heavenly Father set up marriage and that the husband is the head of the home. God didn’t conjure this up to press women down. He set this in place so we would be protected. Husbands have a heavy load to bear when it comes to taking responsibility for their families. They will be judged accordingly one day. When we ride David is at the front and I’m behind him. I have to trust he knows where we are going and he knows best how to get us there. I have to admit it’s much easier to do this on a Harley than in real life. However, if I truly trust my husband then I can manage this in day to day happenings.

Secondly, we HAVE to work together! Remember that weight shifting thing I was talking about? If David leans to the left, I can’t lean to the right. Well I could, but it would be counterproductive and could even cause us to wreck. If we don’t move in harmony, it’s going to be a rough ride. The same principle applies to marriage. If we are constantly pulling in our own direction and moving towards different things our marriage is headed for a wreck. We need to have common goals and desires. And what a beautiful thing is a marriage where 2 people are working together!

Lastly, this brings us close, like real close! My primary love language is physical touch. When David spends time hugging me or putting his arm around me I’m flying high! This man of mine, however, sometimes forgets this since his love language is acts of service. He’s always on the go and rarely sits still longer than a few minutes at a time. I always joke about how most women complain that their husbands come home from work and just sit. I can’t get mine to sit down! He always has something he feels he needs to do. I am grateful though that he makes sure things around here are in working order. When we are on that Harley though…I get to hold on to him and sit close to him for as long as we’re riding! Bonus points because he enjoys our rides together. He will reach back and rub my leg and for someone that has physical touch for their primary love language it’s like a slice of heaven.

We’ve had people tell us to sell that Harley and buy a new car. There is no way we’re doing that! This is our fun time together that we BOTH enjoy and it brings us closer. That’s one thing we aren’t gonna wreck!

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In Sickness and In Health

This time last year David and I were recovering from one of the scariest times in our marriage. In the fall of 2017 I found a lump on my breast. The night I felt it, I sat in disbelief for what seemed like forever. So many emotions were swirling around in my head. I finally went to David and asked him if he felt it also. All the time praying and hoping he couldn’t and it was all in my mind. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. After he confirmed my fear I cried most of that night as he comforted me. To say he was a rock for me is an understatement. I thank God everyday that he was there to help me through.

Two days later I went to my doctor’s office to have it checked. They set up a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound for the very next day.

Y’all, I was terrified. See my paternal grandmother, my mother, and my mother’s sister had all been diagnosed with breast cancer. I had seen them go through surgery, chemo, and radiation. My mom and my aunt both survived, but the treatment had taken such a toll on their lives and bodies. My mom still has issues after several years because of chemo and my aunt’s more recent radiation had caused her so much pain. Now here I was at the age of 45 imagining what I was about to go through.

David took off work the following day and drove me to my appointment. We sat in silence most of the way there. I had yet to voice my biggest concern to him. I finally found the nerve and asked him how he would feel if I had to had a mastectomy. Would he still find me attractive? Would he want to still be with me?

Let me interject right here that David is not a shallow person. He has never been just about my looks, but these were very real emotions I had at that time and I needed to hear his response. Having gone through a divorce, rejection was no stranger to me.

As I sat there holding my breath for his answer, he said to me, “I didn’t marry your breasts, I married you.” I started to silently cry, because at that moment I knew no matter what happened David would stand by me.

We arrived at the hospital and I proceeded to have my first ever mammogram and an ultrasound. The radiologist came in the room and told me it was only a fibrous mass, but he wanted to have it checked out again in a few months. I was elated!

Fast forward to January of 2018. I was in the doctor’s office again because I had some kind of sinus junk going on. The PA that saw me that day noticed I had not scheduled my follow up mammogram and ultrasound. He put in orders right then and there and insisted I go back.

A few days later David drove me back to the hospital for my second exam. This time, however, would not have the same outcome. The mass had grown to 6 cm. I was scheduled to have a biopsy the following week. David took off work yet again for my biopsy. Then came the wait.

Finally my doctor’s office called to tell me that the mass was most likely benign, but it could be borderline. They referred me to a breast surgeon because of the type of tumor I had it would have to be removed. Soon I was sitting in her office. My “adopted” daughter sat with me as we waited in the room to be seen. I was having a great day and was joking about everything. My surgeon came in and after she examined me she began to go over my options. We could do a lumpectomy, but there would be a severe difference in the size of that breast compared to my other one. Then came the “M” word. I could have a mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. She referred me to a reconstructive surgeon. I called as soon as we got out into the parking lot and made an appointment for the very next day.

David and I found ourselves sitting in yet another doctor’s office. When my other surgeon came in he introduced himself, sat down, and asked me to tell him about myself. I immediately broke into tears. David replied for me and of all the things he could have said proclaimed that I was 45. That broke the tension and we all laughed. The surgeon wanted to know what the fear was that he saw on my face. I answered that I didn’t want to look like a hot mess when it was all over. He promised me I wouldn’t. (He was right because he’s one of the best reconstructive surgeons in the Houston area.)

After his examination we decided in light of my family history to have a double skin sparing mastectomy and DIEP flap reconstruction. That’s fancy wording for having a tummy tuck and using that tissue to build breasts with living tissue. It’s truly amazing how far the medical industry has come in this field.

The date was set for April 3, 2018. Fear set in yet again. I questioned David again,”Are you sure we’re doing the right thing?”. He replied that we absolutely were doing the right thing. He never wanted to watch me go through the agony of having breast cancer and was relieved that we were taking this precaution. He said it gave him a peace of mind that I wouldn’t have to ever face that.

After surgery I had another bout of fear thinking I went through almost 12 hours of intense surgery and the removed tumor could possibly be malignant. David straightened me out right away and told me to trust God. My pathology reports came back and the tumor was benign. It was borderline like they thought, but because of the steps we took I didn’t have to worry about having chemo or radiation.

The nurses said it would be best if I had a recliner for my recovery so David bought me the best La-Z Boy we could find. He encouraged me when I was discouraged. When I felt like Frankenstein’s monster from all the bruises and stitches, he reassured me I was beautiful. He was there for me to emotionally and physically lean on, took me to countless doctors visits, grocery shopped, cleaned, cooked, bathed me, and waited on me hand and foot. All the while David was working full time and I’m sure he was exhausted. Fortunately, we had a village to help us. My children and a few of my closest friends were constantly looking after me.

A year later and I am mostly recovered. God was faithful and David was a rockstar husband. He wasn’t perfect, but he was present through it all…in sickness and in health.

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It’s a (Not So) Wonderful Married Life


Marriage is hard y’all. I mean like gut-wrenching, heart breaking, flat out hard! There’s a reason so many marriages end in divorce. Before you’re all like, “Girl, this is already depressing!”, let me tell you a little about the reason behind the name of this blog!

When I first decided to do this I shared my ideas to a handful of friends. One of them proclaimed, “But it’s not always a wonderful married life!”. I whole heartedly agreed with her and explained it was a somewhat of a play on words. 

Let’s just break down this word. Wonder+ful. Meaning full of wonder. One of the definitions of wonder is to feel surprise. Raise your hand if your spouse has surprised you in a good or bad way. Congratulations! You are in a wonder filled marriage! (cyberspace high five)

The most recognized definition of wonderful is “inspiring delight, pleasure, or admiration; extremely good; marvelous”. This is what we think of when we hear the word wonderful. However, many of us have felt like our marriage is anything EXCEPT wonderful. There are times when you WONDER what you were thinking when you married this person sitting across from you that makes the strangest noises when they eat, times when you WONDER why they’re so stubborn, times when you WONDER why you ever married them in the first place, and then there are times you WONDER how you could ever live without them. 

David and I have often wondered about these things and more when we look at each other. People that are acquainted with us many times get the misleading idea that we have it all together. But once people get to know us a little more they find out our marriage is far from perfect. We struggle just like everyone else. God taught us to be transparent in our marriage years ago. See when we as a society are open and honest with one another about our shortcomings and imperfections we realize we are not alone. It takes away any hold the enemy has over us. We understand others are fighting for their marriage just like we are. 

If you’re going through a tough spot in your marriage, you are not alone. The grass is NOT greener on the other side. Hold on! Keep going! Don’t stop! Because the true wonder of marriage comes in the perseverance and overcoming spirit you maintain through the difficult places in your marriage. 

Note: This post is about difficult times in marriage, not abuse. If you are in an abusive relationship, please get help. If you would like prayer for any reason in your marriage, please email us and we will gladly put you on our prayer list.

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Building Houses

Yesterday David and I set off on quite the adventure. Last February we booked a cruise for this week. It’s the K-love cruise so both of us being musicians and the fact that we would be on board with several Christian artists was right up our alley! You can definitely say we’ve been looking forward to this trip for some time now.

Things started off rather well. We got up early, finished our packing, had our daughter drive us to the airport, checked in, ate lunch, got through security and to the gate with plenty of time to spare. More than we even knew…our flight had been delayed.

We were supposed to take off at 1:40 pm. When we settled in at our gate everything was on time. Then came the dreaded announcement that our plane was having some maintenance and would not be ready until 3:00. Ok, not too bad. I can hang with that. Around 2:30 the announcer declared we were still on for that time so I decided now was the time to put my Dramamine to work. Immediately after ingesting said medicine came another announcement stating how very sorry they were but our time was once again moved. This time to 4:30. No problem. We had met others that were headed to the same cruise as us and enjoyed visiting with them.

Yet another announcement informed us we needed to switch gates and our new takeoff would be 4:50. Ummmm ok. Meanwhile the coffee I had didn’t agree with me and I had to make several trips to the bathroom. Wow. What a day!

After switching gates we met a few other fun travelers and visited some more. We always enjoy talking with others from different parts of the country. It’s nice to know we are all truly connected in many ways.

David pulled out his ukulele bass and proceeded to play. I only wished I had a piano to keep me entertained. Then I remembered I could download a keyboard to my iPad and soon we were playing a few songs together in the middle of the airport. Since music helped bring us together when we met, it’s always a good thing when we play together.

Finally at 6:00 pm we were pulling out of the gate and headed down the runway…4 hours past our original departure time. Oh well. Our flight wasn’t full so we had some extra elbow room and I got in a little nap. We touched down 2 hours later and we were off again!

After a quick stop to the restroom I exited to see my sweet husband praying for a lady in a wheelchair. She and her husband were so appreciative and I was blessed to see my other half ministering in the airport.

We collected our luggage and I scheduled my very first Uber pickup. Our driver was there quickly and whisked us away to our hotel! Yes! Finally I was going to get some rest after a very long day!

David’s sister and brother in-law met us outside the hotel and escorted us to our room. We visited for a bit and then we were all going to turn in for the night.

I went to my luggage to get what I needed to prepare for bed…did I mentioned it poured in Houston before we departed? Much to my chagrin my whole suitcase was soaked. I had one shirt with water stains I had to wash out and the majority of my clothes were dripping wet. Seriously?!? I just wanted to go to bed.

There were no dryers at the hotel so David and I proceeded to hang up clothes to dry. It took longer than I wanted but it had to be done. After a short trip to his sister’s room for extra hangers we finished that task and headed to bed.

David began to rub my back, but his hands were rough and I started to complain his hands were tearing up my skin. (I have a little flair for the dramatic.) This was after several other times I had snapped at him for various things. I mean my clothes got soaked and his were bone dry! What’s up with that?

Now I had done it. I knew immediately I had hurt his feelings. He was just trying to make me feel better. At this point of the night I had 2 choices. Let him hurt and get some much needed sleep or use my words and actions to heal instead of hurt.

I switched on my lamp, walked to the suitcase, and got out the lotion. I went to his side of the bed(where he had retreated), took out some lotion and rubbed it into his hands. See my husband’s hands are rough because he is a welder by trade and he works very hard to provide for his family. Must of the time I appreciate those hands, but this day had gotten the better of me.

Wives, we have the ability to make or break our husbands. I could have turned over and easily gone to sleep, but Jesus set a very different example for me. He served. He washed feet for goodness sake!

As I rubbed the lotion into his hands I could feel his tenseness go away. He began to relax and we were able to not let the sun go down on our anger as Paul says in Ephesians.

Proverbs 14:1 says a wise woman builds her house, but a foolish one tears it down with her own hands. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I want to be that wise woman! However, to be the wise woman we must be open to doing the right thing even after a crazy day.

I’m thankful I took care of that right away and didn’t let it fester overnight. Was I too tired to make the effort? Yes! Did I feel like getting back up? No! Was it necessary to make amends? Absolutely! Ultimately in everything I do I want to please my Heavenly Father. I believe he was pleased in that one simple act and will bless me accordingly.

Friends let’s choose to be the wise woman! May God give us the strength and ability to do His will in our marriages.

Ready. Set. Build!

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Puppies, Brewing Coffee, and Washing Feet

So yesterday morning I got out of bed and I was a little ticked. I have 6 week old puppies and I haven’t been getting a lot of sleep. It’s like having a newborn again. Me+No Sleep=Not a Happy Camper. My beloved husband can sleep through anything, and I mean ANYTHING. Basically, I’ve been taking care of the puppies mostly by myself since I’m home the majority of the time. I get power naps when possible so I’m not completely running everyone off with my crankiness. 

Rewind to the night before, David and I had a disagreement about letting our adult dogs outside, and it sort of spilled into this morning when I got up at 4am. It’s the kind of thing that can get under your skin and you like to hold onto sometimes. 

As I got up to let the dogs out and walked past the puppies, they began to whine and cry cause they saw their mom and their human mom. They were ready to eat! So I set off to get them some food and play with them for a short while hoping they would go back to sleep quickly so I could also. Fat chance! I have a potty box attached to their pen area and they are mostly good at using it, but every once in a while they potty inside the pen. This was one of those times. One of them decided to go poo in the pen. I went to go get a paper towel to pick it up and someone had used the last paper towel and had not replaced the roll! Ugh! So I went to get a new roll, opened it and leaned over the side to get the puppy’s little deposit. Maybe you can guess what happened next…I overreached, lost my balance, and the plastic pen collapsed under me. I can only imagine what I looked like! (It’s ok to laugh here. I most certainly would.) I was able to catch myself somewhat to protect the pups, but now I was really frustrated. As they were eating their food, I decided to relax for just a bit. As I went to sit down I noticed one of the pups had gotten past me and had left another deposit on my tile. Insert eye roll here. I cleaned that up, herded the puppies back into the pen, and sat down in my recliner. Over an hour after this episode of “Puppy Wars” began, they FINALLY settled down and went back to sleep, and I was still wide awake! 

I said all that to give you an idea of what state of mind I was in. Notice no one came to my rescue. Everyone else was sleeping peacefully in their own beds, while I was in the middle of chaos. Even the puppy mama had gone back to sleep at this point. 

Somewhere during all of this I walked by the coffee pot and noticed that David had gotten it ready to brew for today. He takes coffee with him almost every morning. The only exception is when he rides his Harley to work. I noticed that there wasn’t enough water in the reservoir to make his usual cup and at that moment I had a chance to get back at him. I mean all he had to do was get some filtered water and put it in there, but I SAW it y’all. I had an opportunity to serve or walk away. See he usually gets up just in time to push start and let it brew, and to add the water takes a little more time. It could be the difference between leaving on time or running late. I chose to serve and get it ready for him. I don’t always choose the right thing, but this morning I did.

As we celebrated the resurrection of our Lord this weekend, someone on my social media posted a picture. On it was a quote from Steve Bezner that said, “Sometimes I joke about what I’d do if I had one day left to live. Eat junk, go crazy, etc. Today it hit me: Jesus knew. And he washed feet.” That got my attention. The perfect Lamb of God washed feet right before he knew it was his time to die. He chose such a selfless act to teach one more lesson before he fulfilled prophecy and died a horrific death. I’ve known for a long time that washing feet back then was for the lowliest of servants, but it wasn’t until I read this quote the enormity of Jesus’ decision to wash the disciples feet. HE KNEW. He still washed feet. Here I am contemplating whether or not to fill up the water reservoir. That’s not even close to washing someone’s feet. 

Romans 12:10 says “Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another;”.(NKJV) The Message Bible says practice playing second fiddle. As a musician that speaks volumes to me. Second fiddle means you back up the first fiddle. As second your job is literally to make them look and sound better. All the while they get the attention and applause. They would sound good by themselves, but with backup they really shine!

Are you willing to serve your spouse so truly as to allow them to be in the spotlight while you back them up? No one saw me fill up the reservoir. David didn’t even brew coffee in the end. You guessed it, he took the Harley. He didn’t even know I did it, but it would have helped him to get to work on time and look good in his boss’s eyes. 

Did I add the water in vain? No. When I chose to serve David, I also chose to be obedient to God. Anytime we choose to live out the Word of God, we allow God to refine us that much more. That should be our heart’s desire, for God to make us more like Jesus. And Jesus washed feet.