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Building Houses

Yesterday David and I set off on quite the adventure. Last February we booked a cruise for this week. It’s the K-love cruise so both of us being musicians and the fact that we would be on board with several Christian artists was right up our alley! You can definitely say we’ve been looking forward to this trip for some time now.

Things started off rather well. We got up early, finished our packing, had our daughter drive us to the airport, checked in, ate lunch, got through security and to the gate with plenty of time to spare. More than we even knew…our flight had been delayed.

We were supposed to take off at 1:40 pm. When we settled in at our gate everything was on time. Then came the dreaded announcement that our plane was having some maintenance and would not be ready until 3:00. Ok, not too bad. I can hang with that. Around 2:30 the announcer declared we were still on for that time so I decided now was the time to put my Dramamine to work. Immediately after ingesting said medicine came another announcement stating how very sorry they were but our time was once again moved. This time to 4:30. No problem. We had met others that were headed to the same cruise as us and enjoyed visiting with them.

Yet another announcement informed us we needed to switch gates and our new takeoff would be 4:50. Ummmm ok. Meanwhile the coffee I had didn’t agree with me and I had to make several trips to the bathroom. Wow. What a day!

After switching gates we met a few other fun travelers and visited some more. We always enjoy talking with others from different parts of the country. It’s nice to know we are all truly connected in many ways.

David pulled out his ukulele bass and proceeded to play. I only wished I had a piano to keep me entertained. Then I remembered I could download a keyboard to my iPad and soon we were playing a few songs together in the middle of the airport. Since music helped bring us together when we met, it’s always a good thing when we play together.

Finally at 6:00 pm we were pulling out of the gate and headed down the runway…4 hours past our original departure time. Oh well. Our flight wasn’t full so we had some extra elbow room and I got in a little nap. We touched down 2 hours later and we were off again!

After a quick stop to the restroom I exited to see my sweet husband praying for a lady in a wheelchair. She and her husband were so appreciative and I was blessed to see my other half ministering in the airport.

We collected our luggage and I scheduled my very first Uber pickup. Our driver was there quickly and whisked us away to our hotel! Yes! Finally I was going to get some rest after a very long day!

David’s sister and brother in-law met us outside the hotel and escorted us to our room. We visited for a bit and then we were all going to turn in for the night.

I went to my luggage to get what I needed to prepare for bed…did I mentioned it poured in Houston before we departed? Much to my chagrin my whole suitcase was soaked. I had one shirt with water stains I had to wash out and the majority of my clothes were dripping wet. Seriously?!? I just wanted to go to bed.

There were no dryers at the hotel so David and I proceeded to hang up clothes to dry. It took longer than I wanted but it had to be done. After a short trip to his sister’s room for extra hangers we finished that task and headed to bed.

David began to rub my back, but his hands were rough and I started to complain his hands were tearing up my skin. (I have a little flair for the dramatic.) This was after several other times I had snapped at him for various things. I mean my clothes got soaked and his were bone dry! What’s up with that?

Now I had done it. I knew immediately I had hurt his feelings. He was just trying to make me feel better. At this point of the night I had 2 choices. Let him hurt and get some much needed sleep or use my words and actions to heal instead of hurt.

I switched on my lamp, walked to the suitcase, and got out the lotion. I went to his side of the bed(where he had retreated), took out some lotion and rubbed it into his hands. See my husband’s hands are rough because he is a welder by trade and he works very hard to provide for his family. Must of the time I appreciate those hands, but this day had gotten the better of me.

Wives, we have the ability to make or break our husbands. I could have turned over and easily gone to sleep, but Jesus set a very different example for me. He served. He washed feet for goodness sake!

As I rubbed the lotion into his hands I could feel his tenseness go away. He began to relax and we were able to not let the sun go down on our anger as Paul says in Ephesians.

Proverbs 14:1 says a wise woman builds her house, but a foolish one tears it down with her own hands. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I want to be that wise woman! However, to be the wise woman we must be open to doing the right thing even after a crazy day.

I’m thankful I took care of that right away and didn’t let it fester overnight. Was I too tired to make the effort? Yes! Did I feel like getting back up? No! Was it necessary to make amends? Absolutely! Ultimately in everything I do I want to please my Heavenly Father. I believe he was pleased in that one simple act and will bless me accordingly.

Friends let’s choose to be the wise woman! May God give us the strength and ability to do His will in our marriages.

Ready. Set. Build!

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It’s a Wonderful New Year

As we get ready for a new year and a new decade I can’t help but think back over this roller coaster of a year. It started off great! Then went downhill, back up, back down again, back up…well you get the picture.

I started off with this blog and did well for a while. David and I had good times and bad, but I found it harder to write about the good times. Why do we always seem to wait for the other shoe to drop? Maybe it’s just human nature or maybe if we don’t expect too much we won’t be disappointed as much. We don’t live freely in the good times because we’re waiting for the next calamity to hit us. And that can paralyze and alienate us.

As we finish off this year I find myself in sort of a weird place mentally and emotionally. I began seeing a counselor to help sort through the chaos that is my brain. David has been gracious through it all. He’s been supportive in words, prayer, and deeds through all my crazy. And therein lies the true meaning of a wonderful marriage. 

To have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, til death do us part. We recite these words at the very beginning of our marriage, yet do we really mean them? Do we truly know what we are saying? When the first big disagreement or disappointment happens do we stand by our vows? Do we love and cherish all that is our spouse?

Back to not expecting too much so as not to be disappointed. Dear friends, how about in this coming year we throw ourselves with abandon into our marriages and our lives? At the end of our days will our biggest regret be that we lived life to our fullest? I think not! I believe as 2020 is on the horizon it’s time to take back our lives. Expect the unexpected and so what if we’re disappointed from time to time? That’s what happens when you fully live. Oh, what a life there is to be had! We can sit on the sidelines waiting for tragedy to strike or we can take the proverbial bull by the horns and live and love like there’s no tomorrow. Because truly we are not promised tomorrow. 

Let that sink in.

In the light of that truth does it matter if your spouse didn’t do something just the way you would have? I mean, are any of us perfect? I’m fairly certain we know the answer to that question. Besides, who said your way was the right or better way? Gasp! Yes, I know it’s hard to believe, but just maybe our husband or wife has a different way of seeing and doing things. More than that they don’t WANT to do things just like we would. Think on that for a minute. That’s the beauty of marriage! God has a way of stretching and perfecting us through our better half. We are all unique. It’s through our differences that we are made whole. Not one person can be everything to everyone. Instead of focusing on our differences this coming year let’s celebrate them!

So as 2020 rolls around, let go of past hurts, failures, and disappointments. Hold onto all the good things that happened. Embrace the possibilities of the future. Live and love to the fullest. Allow God to work in yourself and your marriage like never before. Offer mercy freely to your spouse. Because, my friend, one day you will be in need of that same mercy. I leave you with this blessing: “The LORD bless you, and keep you [protect you, sustain you, and guard you]; The LORD make His face shine upon you [with favor], And be gracious to you [surrounding you with lovingkindness]; The LORD lift up His countenance (face) upon you [with divine approval], And give you peace [a tranquil heart and life].” Numbers‬ ‭6:24-26‬ ‭AMP‬‬

Happy New Year!

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How a Svengers T-shirt Taught a Lesson in Gratefulness

I am a lover of all things schnauzer! We have 2 miniature schnauzers named Zelda and Fitz. Since David and I didn’t have any children together, these are our babies. 

I am also a Marvel nerd. I love all Marvel movies no matter how cheesy or bad they may be, and if they are good then it’s a bonus! 

When these two things collided, I was excited! Enter the ad I saw for a Svengers T-shirt. Captain America, Iron Man, Hulk, Thor, and Nick Fury were portrayed as schnauzers! What more could a girl ask for? Or so I thought.

My next course of action was to tag David in the post that had the link to purchase said shirt. I know my husband well enough that if I really want something he will do his best to make it happen. So much so that I have to guard my words or he would work his hiney off to have the ability to get me whatever I want. This was not an expensive item so I tagged away. He commented that I didn’t really need the shirt, so I contemplated about purchasing it myself. I am less of a spender than David. Consequently, I didn’t buy it for myself and proceeded on with my life.

Last night David walked in the front door after work and handed me a small package. I opened it and was thrilled to see he purchased the Svengers shirt for me! At least for a moment. Then I started picking it apart. It wasn’t the type of material I usually buy. It wasn’t the right size for the style. It wasn’t the color I wanted. (My favorite color is blue and he bought me the blue one. How dare he!) And then I had the NERVE to say from now on if he’s going to buy a T-shirt for me off the internet he should get with me first so he orders the correct item. Yes, I know. I’m cringing now just writing this at how ungrateful I actually sounded. In my mind at the time I was thinking I was being “helpful”. I probably went on for 10-15 minutes about how it was the wrong shirt. He even told me maybe we could return it and get the correct shirt for me. He didn’t say you ungrateful person that’s the last thing I will buy for you. He actually wanted to fix this for me. My wonderful, loving husband ignored the tantrum I was throwing and wanted to make me happy…think on that for a moment. 

How many times are we unhappy with the way our husband or wife does something for us? How should we respond when something just doesn’t quite measure up? Let’s take a look at what the Bible says about being thankful.

The book of Ruth has always been one of my favorite books. In fact I always felt like David was my Boaz. There are a couple of instances I want to point out. After Naomi’s husband and sons died, her daughters in-law were headed back to Israel with her. They had stayed with Naomi in order to help her. She told them to head back to their land and left them with this blessing, “May the Lord reward you for your kindness.” (Ruth 1:8) Ruth, however, refused to leave her mother in-law. She felt she needed to take care of her. She went so far as to glean heads of grain in the field of Boaz. He took notice of what she did for her mother in-law and also pronounced a blessing on her. “May the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge, reward you fully for what you have done.” (Ruth 2:12) Additionally, you will find many blessings in the Bible that were spoken over different people at different times. God’s people were to be thankful for one another.

How much different is it today? We as God’s people should be thankful for one another and openly show our gratitude as well as pronounce blessings over one another. In a world filled with gift receipts in case someone doesn’t like your gift and registries that make sure the right gifts are purchased, we are to stand out and be a light to others by being grateful for everything given to us. Now don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against gift receipts and I am a huge fan of registries because I dislike shopping and this makes it easier for me. But I remember as a child how my parents taught me the simple act of being grateful for whatever was given to me. I thought I had learned that lesson well…until last night. 

This morning as I began to think about the words I spoke the night before, something inside me winced at my ugly comments. I went to retrieve the offensive T-shirt and put it back on. David was right. The blue was a much better choice than the black I would have purchased for myself. The fit wasn’t as bad as I had previously imagined. It was actually really cute! I’m wearing it right now as I write this.

Then it was time to eat crow. I picked up my phone and sent a text to David thanking him for the T-shirt and how much I really liked it. I relayed how he made the better choice of color and fit than I originally thought and how I couldn’t wait to wear it to see Avengers: Endgame. I apologized for the negative comments I spoke and the ungrateful attitude I had displayed. He, being the generous person he is, accepted my apology and thanked me for the change in my attitude. 

I am so very thankful that God placed David in my life and can’t imagine living without him. God reminded me that I should not just think this, but actually LIVE it. I want to challenge you to do the same. Be open with your gratitude. We are not promised tomorrow and today may be the last chance you have to show those you love how much you appreciate them.

I needed this lesson in gratefulness that came about all because of a Svengers T-shirt.

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Yours, Mine, and Ours – Memories of a Brand New Blended Family

I don’t know if you have ever seen or heard of the old 1968 Lucille Ball and Henry Fonda movie Yours, Mine, and Ours. If not, I highly recommend watching it. It was one of my all time favorite movies when I was a kid growing up right into adulthood! It’s one of the funniest, zaniest, and most heart tugging movies I’ve ever seen. You might have seen the reboot, but it’s pretty hard to top Lucille Ball’s performance in the original. Basically, boy meets girl, boy dates girl, boy finds out that between his children and her children they would share 18 children. Yes, I said 18! They decide not to pursue the relationship once they find out about the other’s children, but of course they eventually marry and the result makes for a great movie. I can’t count how many times I’ve watched it…and I definitely didn’t realize one day I would be living it.

David and I share 5 children(thankfully not 18) and 1 granddaughter. I say share because technically the oldest 3 boys are his and the youngest boy and ONLY girl are mine. When we married, all 5 of them lived with us. I stayed on top of the housework out of sheer fear I would be lost under a pile of dishes somewhere! Seriously, I did about two loads of dishes and a couple loads of laundry a day. Thank God for dishwashers and washing machines!

Let me say I was terrified of being a stepmom. Especially since my new sons were all teens and my birth children were 9 and 6. I knew nothing about raising teens. Many books were read about blended families and how to go about this new life, but my true wisdom came from the Lord.

I was about to move our youngest two children into David’s home that he shared with our oldest three and had previously shared with their mother. Yes, I know you think I’m crazy right about now. I probably was a little crazy. His former wife is super neat. I have never been to her home when things were not in perfect order, minus the toys that our granddaughter likes to have out to play with. It’s not uninvitingly clean, but she keeps a great house. I, on the other hand, struggle with making our bed everyday. (And David says amen!) Thankfully I have giftings in other areas. So knowing how the newest part of my family was accustomed to living was pretty scary for me.

The time came for us to move in together and I asked God how to do this blended family thing. One bit of wisdom He gave me was to leave the house, decorations and all, as it was for about a year. (I want to note right here this is not for everyone. It just happened to be what I needed to do for my newest family members.) It was difficult to not change everything right away, but I saw the wisdom in it later on. I found out later the boys were afraid I wouldn’t want them living in the same house and they would have to move out. Now mind you I had NEVER said or implied anything of the sort. They were simply in a state of unrest as were my children because of the disintegration of their first family. Everything they knew had suddenly changed. But that one simple act of leaving things as they were reassured them that I wasn’t expecting them to go anywhere. About a year later I started making changes here and there and one of them would come home and tell me how they liked it.

I also had to make a place for my youngest children. They didn’t just have someone invade their home, they moved to a brand new home AND city. They had to leave the only friends they ever knew and start over. I tried to create a sense of belonging for them. We enclosed the dining room and made a bedroom with bunk beds. We let them pick out the color and fortunately it wasn’t lime green. I spent the first few years homeschooling them, because they had never been in public school. This was another bit of wisdom. Sometimes it caused friction with David and I because homeschool was a new idea for him, but in the end it gave a sort of normalcy for them so it worked for our family. Years later they have both excelled in public school and we have determined we made the right decision.

Another important step I took was to foster relationships with my new sons. I tried to take every opportunity they would allow to connect with them. It took some time and some rejection, but eventually they saw I truly cared about them and genuinely wanted to know them better. I remember when my oldest stepson came home from work every day I would ask how his day was. The answer was always good as he walked to his room. The day finally came when I got a little more. As usual I asked how his day was, he replied it was good and begin to walk away. He backed up then stated that it sucked and related how his day truly went. That simple exchange meant so much to me because I was beginning to think it would never happen. I believe he just needed to know I was in this for the long haul.

The most important decision I made though was to build a united front with David. Our children had seen marriages fail, but they desperately needed to see one succeed. We had the golden opportunity to give this to all of them. We didn’t always agree on how everything should be, but we kept most of our disagreements behind closed doors. Sometimes we accomplished this goal of solidarity, other times we failed miserably. But through it all, we have persevered and hopefully have been a good example to our kids.

I would be thrilled to report after about a year we all lived in perfect harmony, but that was not the case. We had some tough times, but we did eventually learn to be a family. It didn’t happen overnight. In fact it happened in baby steps. Children, even (maybe especially) older teenagers, that have had their world ripped apart through no fault of their own can have serious trust issues. They had to learn to trust again. It’s still not perfect, but what family is?

Our 2018 Christmas card picture.

It took a lot of hard work and the adults in their lives to act like grown ups for us to come together, but eventually we did. We were recently visiting with our granddaughter at the home of David’s first wife. She made the statement that she feels like we are one big family now. That’s exactly how it is. Our children will never have the awkwardness at weddings, holidays, and birthdays because they have seen us all get along. It has helped them to have a healthy state of mind.

There are some of you in this very situation and you think you will never have this in your family. Let me assure you there was a time when I thought the same. It did take a toll on our marriage, but we are finally thriving through it. I wish I could say we made it this far because we are so incredibly intelligent. That is truly laughable! It was simply by the grace of God and His wisdom and guidance that we’ve come this far.

If you find yourself in the same situation, ask God for wisdom. According to James chapter 1, God will give it generously to those that ask. Seek out others that are going through the same thing and lift each other up. We were never meant to do life alone. Nurture relationships with your children and stepchildren. It takes time and patience, but the reward is worth it all. Finally, ALWAYS let your children that be aware that you and your spouse are in unity. They need to have the security that you can not be divided.

It’s not an easy road, but with the support of your spouse,  the encouragement of other blended parents, and especially God’s wisdom, you can do this!

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Marriage on Two Wheels

Recently I began riding with my husband on the back of his Harley. I was a little nervous at first, because…well quite frankly because I’ve ridden in a vehicle with him. We’ve had our share of disagreements aka full blown arguments over the way he drives. Sometimes I think he believes he’s a race car driver. That being said I’m not a scaredy-cat. I’m a tree climbing, rollercoaster riding, roof walking, taking chances kind of girl. But putting my life in the hands of my wannabe racer husband was a little out of my comfort zone. However, I began to notice how careful he was when he rode so I decided to take the plunge. Also, I thought how cute I would look in my leathers! So off we went!

This was not my first time on a bike, but it had been a few years. Ahem, maybe 25 or so. I also rode 3 wheelers as a teen so I understood the importance of shifting your weight and balancing. It seemed right away we worked well together on this huge bike of his. On one of our very first rides together I started thinking how this was great marriage counseling! Here’s a few things that I noticed.

David right after he bought his Harley. He was so excited!

First, I had to follow his lead. Anyone that knows me even a little knows how headstrong I can be. So in life I can tend to get out of my place in our relationship and try to take the lead. This causes so much discord and confusion. Now sometimes David wants me to take the lead on certain things. He is a smart man and knows my strengths. But by and large one of my major issues is following the lead of the husband God placed in my life. Before you say, “Dianne, that is old school!”, let me remind you how our Heavenly Father set up marriage and that the husband is the head of the home. God didn’t conjure this up to press women down. He set this in place so we would be protected. Husbands have a heavy load to bear when it comes to taking responsibility for their families. They will be judged accordingly one day. When we ride David is at the front and I’m behind him. I have to trust he knows where we are going and he knows best how to get us there. I have to admit it’s much easier to do this on a Harley than in real life. However, if I truly trust my husband then I can manage this in day to day happenings.

Secondly, we HAVE to work together! Remember that weight shifting thing I was talking about? If David leans to the left, I can’t lean to the right. Well I could, but it would be counterproductive and could even cause us to wreck. If we don’t move in harmony, it’s going to be a rough ride. The same principle applies to marriage. If we are constantly pulling in our own direction and moving towards different things our marriage is headed for a wreck. We need to have common goals and desires. And what a beautiful thing is a marriage where 2 people are working together!

Lastly, this brings us close, like real close! My primary love language is physical touch. When David spends time hugging me or putting his arm around me I’m flying high! This man of mine, however, sometimes forgets this since his love language is acts of service. He’s always on the go and rarely sits still longer than a few minutes at a time. I always joke about how most women complain that their husbands come home from work and just sit. I can’t get mine to sit down! He always has something he feels he needs to do. I am grateful though that he makes sure things around here are in working order. When we are on that Harley though…I get to hold on to him and sit close to him for as long as we’re riding! Bonus points because he enjoys our rides together. He will reach back and rub my leg and for someone that has physical touch for their primary love language it’s like a slice of heaven.

We’ve had people tell us to sell that Harley and buy a new car. There is no way we’re doing that! This is our fun time together that we BOTH enjoy and it brings us closer. That’s one thing we aren’t gonna wreck!