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Clash of the Spouses

Your spouse is not your enemy! Repeat. Your spouse is not your enemy! 

Someone needed to hear that today. Like down deep in their heart and soul hear that. I needed to hear that the day after my very first post. What happens when you begin to write about marriage? Immediate conflict in your own marriage, of course.

David and I had an old fashioned, rip roaring, snot wielding fight the day after this blog went live. Why? A couple of reasons. One because we are both stubborn and a bit set in our ways and two anytime you step out in faith to do something you know you’re supposed to do you will immediately get attacked by the enemy. 

Why did we start fighting? Laundry y’all…laundry. It usually begins with something small and ends with all the sins of your spouse in the last ten years of marriage. We had the biggest blow up that we’ve had in a while. David and I are both very competitive in nature so NATURALLY we begin arguing over who empties out the dryer lint trap the most. I know you’re sitting there reading this either rolling your eyes because this is the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard or you’re laughing in complete understanding because you’ve had the same type of showdown in your own marriage. 

You would think after almost ten years of marriage you would be immune to so much conflict. That would be a big fat negative. A normal marriage will have conflict. Think about it. Two different people from two completely different backgrounds with two different ideologies on how things should run in a household decide to marry and live in the same house. What could possibly go wrong? Anything and everything. There will always be conflict, but it’s how you deal with it that matters.

Let me first say that we didn’t cope with it in the best of ways. We can have a communication breakdown like nobody’s business. Not really listening to one another, twisting each other’s words, assuming we know what the other is thinking. Then of course comes the stomping off, blowing up like an old toad frog, and ignoring one another cause you just don’t want to even be in the same room. Anyone else out there or is this just me and David? 

This is where social media can play a disintegrating part in marriage. We begin to look at everyone else’s lives and think we are the only ones arguing. Listen very carefully peeps. PEOPLE ONLY PUT THE GOOD THINGS ABOUT THEIR MARRIAGE ON SOCIAL MEDIA! Just because you only see the good stuff doesn’t make the bad stuff nonexistent. Now back to the subject at hand.

We’ve discussed conflict, a response, and now comes time for resolution. Someone has to swallow their pride and go to the other person. Maybe you’re complaining, but I ALWAYS make the first move to work things out! Wonderful! Congratulations! You are my peacemakers! Don’t make it a bad thing or a weak thing. It takes guts to make the first move. You don’t know how much time you have left with your spouse, why waste it? Just to look back at the time you lost being angry and wonder what the point of your argument was. It’s just not worth being angry for hours and days.

I will say we ended it well. I began to feel terrible because of my treatment and disrespect of David. He was feeling awful about how it all went down and we came together to make peace with one another. Did we work out our entire list of grievances? No. We still have issues that need to be ironed out, but we have resolved to work them out together and not quit. David told me he was telling a guy the other day that you can be with someone for ten years and then leave that person and start fresh, but you will still have problems with the new person. It doesn’t make sense to throw away all the time and effort you’ve put into one another. 

As we stood in our kitchen hugging it out and apologizing to one another David said well at least I’ll give you plenty of material for this blog! He made me laugh and who can be mad at someone that makes them laugh? 

A couple of things to remember. You will have conflict. How you deal with it is up to you. But we’ve found that dealing with it quickly and respectfully is a good way to begin. Always find the way back to one another and determine to resolve your disagreements. Because in the end your spouse is your closest friend, not your enemy.

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It’s a (Not So) Wonderful Married Life


Marriage is hard y’all. I mean like gut-wrenching, heart breaking, flat out hard! There’s a reason so many marriages end in divorce. Before you’re all like, “Girl, this is already depressing!”, let me tell you a little about the reason behind the name of this blog!

When I first decided to do this I shared my ideas to a handful of friends. One of them proclaimed, “But it’s not always a wonderful married life!”. I whole heartedly agreed with her and explained it was a somewhat of a play on words. 

Let’s just break down this word. Wonder+ful. Meaning full of wonder. One of the definitions of wonder is to feel surprise. Raise your hand if your spouse has surprised you in a good or bad way. Congratulations! You are in a wonder filled marriage! (cyberspace high five)

The most recognized definition of wonderful is “inspiring delight, pleasure, or admiration; extremely good; marvelous”. This is what we think of when we hear the word wonderful. However, many of us have felt like our marriage is anything EXCEPT wonderful. There are times when you WONDER what you were thinking when you married this person sitting across from you that makes the strangest noises when they eat, times when you WONDER why they’re so stubborn, times when you WONDER why you ever married them in the first place, and then there are times you WONDER how you could ever live without them. 

David and I have often wondered about these things and more when we look at each other. People that are acquainted with us many times get the misleading idea that we have it all together. But once people get to know us a little more they find out our marriage is far from perfect. We struggle just like everyone else. God taught us to be transparent in our marriage years ago. See when we as a society are open and honest with one another about our shortcomings and imperfections we realize we are not alone. It takes away any hold the enemy has over us. We understand others are fighting for their marriage just like we are. 

If you’re going through a tough spot in your marriage, you are not alone. The grass is NOT greener on the other side. Hold on! Keep going! Don’t stop! Because the true wonder of marriage comes in the perseverance and overcoming spirit you maintain through the difficult places in your marriage. 

Note: This post is about difficult times in marriage, not abuse. If you are in an abusive relationship, please get help. If you would like prayer for any reason in your marriage, please email us and we will gladly put you on our prayer list.